i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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