she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
