I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
