theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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