Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
