I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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