You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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