I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
