i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
