omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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