just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
