apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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