giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
