Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize