i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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