I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
