he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
