I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How does one acquire holy water?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
