She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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