Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
