That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
