The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the high leading the old right now
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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