All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just pynch a tree in the face
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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