what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
