I will die if light touches me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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