Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
40s are totally the cure
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
