did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
