talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
my liver is dry heaving
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
