I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
