yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
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I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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