once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
