was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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