I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
