If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
