this just has baby written all over it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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