Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
