I think I am morally bankrupt
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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