ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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