Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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