Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
