I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
