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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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