I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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