Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
