My hand turned me down
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Are we still banned from the library?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize