Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
