Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
