we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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