Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
