I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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