When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dear god my vagina.
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