my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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