Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
