Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
