just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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