morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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