my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
