Jerry, you need to find god
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
