found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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