You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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