i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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