I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
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I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
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It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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