I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
