Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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