Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
