i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
