shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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