You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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