does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
