if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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