Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
